Saturday, November 29, 2008

That's Enough, Peter Frampton!

I travel for a living so I do a lot of scanning on my radio to find good music. Based on my research, I have chosen 10+ songs that need to be removed from all radio circulation. There are many more that need to be banned, but I picked ones that somehow stood the test of time instead of current flavors of the week.

Anywho, in no particular order:

1. “Do You Feel Like We Feel” by Peter Frampton

God, I wish he hadn't come alive. It's almost comical how bad this song is. From the voice thing to the repetitiveness (I'm not sure if that is a word and even if it is if that is how you spell it) almost every song is lame. LOL at people who like this guy.

2. “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins

If one more person tells me the "he saw a guy kill another guy" story about this song I may vomit. I thought was the end of stupid made up stories about things. That's not my issue with the song though. My issue is that it is terrible.

3. “Dream Weaver” by Gary Wright

This song is........weird. You ever listen to the lyrics? Maybe it's about tripping on peyote. Maybe it's about hanging with some aliens. Either way, the song is terrible. Gary Wright has a pretty cool look on that album cover though.

4. “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

I got a kick out of the fact that someone made Lego Lynyrd Skynyrd. Haha. My friend Wes is convinced this is the song DJs play when they have to make #2. He must be right, because there is no other reason to play this garbage.

5. “A Horse With No Name” by America

One of the most bizzare songs eve written. It pains me to hear this guy do his Neil Young impersonation. It also pains me because America is otherwise a pretty decent band. Sad.

6. “Electric Avenue” by Eddy Grant

WTF? It blows my mind how much I hear this song. It's so bad that it has some sort of power over the listener that will not allow you to change the station. Kind of like the smell of sour milk, but in music form. Maybe that is why it is so popular.

7. “Taking Care of Business” by BTO

By taking care of business they mean taking a my ears. This song may actually be my least favorite of all time. If ever I find a genie I may actually take one for the team and waste a wish on erasing this song from history.

8. “Come Together” by The Beatles

Ah, the mighty Beatles. Even they can create a terrible song every once in awhile. Somehow this one found it's way onto the radio. I know a lot of people like this song, but who are we kidding? It sucks. Aerosmith made it even worse, but the Beatles made it bad first, so they make the list. Take all versions of this song off the radio.

9. “Hot Blooded”, “Double Vision”, “Juke Box Hero”, and “Head Games” by Foreigner

How does a band so bad have so many radio singles? Puke.

10. “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf

The line in this song about finding a louzy candle must be about Christmas shopping. Or The Legend of Zelda. Never would have guessed it's actually all he found when someone stole Aladdin's lamp from him. I can't think of a bad enough adjective for this song.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Me Vs. Edward

I know what you women are thinking. I have no chance against the mighty Edward Cullens. But wait.......I have compiled a list of ways I am better than him.

1. I don't wanna kill my wife - Some women will say "but the fact that he wants to kill her, but doesn't, just shows HOW MUCH he loves her. He is willing to hold back his natural blood lust to be with Bella". That's what women find romantic? Does your personal add say "Single female seeks serial killer willing to not serial kill me"? Go for it.

2. I'm not a pedaphile - I will catch flack for this one, but facts are facts. Edward may be 17 in appearance, but in age and mind he is 100+ (I'm too lazy to google his actual age). Bella is really 17. That's kind of a problem. I realize he can't be with people his own age, but he could at least hit on college chicks instead of high school chicks. How very Matthew McConaughey of him.

3. I don't have to spend hours on my hair to make it look "slept in" - Yeah, my hair does that shit without effort.

4. I don't hang out with an Edward Scissorhands wannabe and the douche bag from 90210 - Seriously, other than Alice (and admittadly Edward - who am I kidding, he's awesome) the rest of the Cullens were lame-o's.

5. The person who invented me was not inspired to do so by Linkin Park - At least I hope not. Stephenie Meyer may write a popular book series, but that don't buy her taste.

To be fair, there should be a list of ways Edward is better than me, but I'm checking out.