Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Me Vs. Edward

I know what you women are thinking. I have no chance against the mighty Edward Cullens. But wait.......I have compiled a list of ways I am better than him.

1. I don't wanna kill my wife - Some women will say "but the fact that he wants to kill her, but doesn't, just shows HOW MUCH he loves her. He is willing to hold back his natural blood lust to be with Bella". That's what women find romantic? Does your personal add say "Single female seeks serial killer willing to not serial kill me"? Go for it.

2. I'm not a pedaphile - I will catch flack for this one, but facts are facts. Edward may be 17 in appearance, but in age and mind he is 100+ (I'm too lazy to google his actual age). Bella is really 17. That's kind of a problem. I realize he can't be with people his own age, but he could at least hit on college chicks instead of high school chicks. How very Matthew McConaughey of him.

3. I don't have to spend hours on my hair to make it look "slept in" - Yeah, my hair does that shit without effort.

4. I don't hang out with an Edward Scissorhands wannabe and the douche bag from 90210 - Seriously, other than Alice (and admittadly Edward - who am I kidding, he's awesome) the rest of the Cullens were lame-o's.

5. The person who invented me was not inspired to do so by Linkin Park - At least I hope not. Stephenie Meyer may write a popular book series, but that don't buy her taste.

To be fair, there should be a list of ways Edward is better than me, but I'm checking out.


Heather & Adam said...

You have just unleashed a wrath of fury that the likes of have never been seen before!
My friends used to like you, babe.
This is going to make things tough, man.
I expected more from you, Adam.

Jess Addison said...

Just read the books. That's all I'm saying....read the books!!

Anonymous said...

there are no words.

Wait. That was 4. There are no more words. Damn it, those are more. Hmmm.



Rachel B. said...

This is Andrew. Rachel just showed me your blog. You deserve some kind of medal for that one, and yes I would say that you are WAAY cooler than a ficticous pedifile vampire guy!!

Mike C. said...

Angel on Buffy also went after a teenager in high school...hmmmm.

And I haven't seen the movie or read the books, but I'm sure you're much awesomer than Edward.

Chatter said...

I loved the Twilight series but I got say, you made some good points here. I always enjoy a good argument.

However, as Jess put it "read the books". You'll be in love with Edward too.