Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Me Vs. Edward
I know what you women are thinking. I have no chance against the mighty Edward Cullens. But wait.......I have compiled a list of ways I am better than him.
1. I don't wanna kill my wife - Some women will say "but the fact that he wants to kill her, but doesn't, just shows HOW MUCH he loves her. He is willing to hold back his natural blood lust to be with Bella". That's what women find romantic? Does your personal add say "Single female seeks serial killer willing to not serial kill me"? Go for it.
2. I'm not a pedaphile - I will catch flack for this one, but facts are facts. Edward may be 17 in appearance, but in age and mind he is 100+ (I'm too lazy to google his actual age). Bella is really 17. That's kind of a problem. I realize he can't be with people his own age, but he could at least hit on college chicks instead of high school chicks. How very Matthew McConaughey of him.
3. I don't have to spend hours on my hair to make it look "slept in" - Yeah, my hair does that shit without effort.
4. I don't hang out with an Edward Scissorhands wannabe and the douche bag from 90210 - Seriously, other than Alice (and admittadly Edward - who am I kidding, he's awesome) the rest of the Cullens were lame-o's.
5. The person who invented me was not inspired to do so by Linkin Park - At least I hope not. Stephenie Meyer may write a popular book series, but that don't buy her taste.
To be fair, there should be a list of ways Edward is better than me, but I'm checking out.